Types of Kinky Gatherings

There are many types of in-person events for kinky people. Each serves a different purpose and caters to different comfort levels.

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1. Public Street Fairs

Example: Folsom Street Fair (San Francisco)
A bucket-list event for many kinksters, with live performances, kinky vendors, public sex, and appearances by your favorite Dominatrix *wink* or porn stars.
Note:

• Very crowded and overstimulating
  
• Lots of public photography
  
• Great for people watching

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2. Munches

Casual, non-play meetups (often in public places) where kinky people gather to socialize and build community.

Examples: “Puppy Play Munch,” “ABDL Munch,” “M/s Munch”
Pros: Great for beginners, no pressure to play
Cons: May lack anonymity

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3. BDSM Classes

Structured, low-pressure learning spaces for all levels.

• Great for beginners — As a beginner, you should attend as many as you can!
• Can be demos, lectures, or hands-on practice
• Some include “lab time” (practice with partner or solo), but not the same as a play party
  

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4. Play Parties

Events with designated spaces, times, and resources for kink/BDSM play.

Play Party Features Typically Include:

• Community rules (e.g., safe words)
  
• Pick-up play opportunities
  
• Aftercare spaces
  
• Cleaning supplies & safer sex materials
  
• Optional: sex furniture, food, water, toys
  

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Preparing for Your First Play Party

Before You Go: Ask Yourself...

• What’s the focus? (Rope, sex, BDSM, sober, etc.)
  
• Are you comfortable with ID checks, age requirements, or partner-only events?
  
• Is there a dress code?
  
• Is the space accessible? (Wheelchair access, COVID precautions, etc.)
  
• Do you agree with the party's values and rules?
  

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When You Arrive

• Tell a friend where you are and when you’ll check in.
  
• Being on phones are often not allowed — plan ahead.
  
• Scout the venue: exits, bathrooms, play zones, aftercare area, food/water, smoking area.
  
• Review the playparty rules and ask questions to the party organizers or dungeon monitors if needed.
  

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Tips for First-Time Attendees

• Observe first. Resist the urge to jump into play with strangers right away.
  
• You’re most vulnerable when you're new — watch, learn, talk, build connections.
  
• Notice how people negotiate, engage in aftercare, and interact.
  
• Make friends, connect on FetLife, and ease into the scene.
  

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Voyeur Etiquette

• Look, don’t interrupt. Don’t speak or ask questions mid-scene or during aftercare.
  
• Wait until someone is clearly free to talk before approaching them.
  
• Keep a respectful distance — typically highly visible scenes invite watching, while private ones don’t.
  

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General Play Party Tips

• Use a locking toy bag for valuables (especially if the venue has a community coat closet or cubbys)
  
• Bring your own toys (for example, bottoms should being dildos they know confidently they can take).
  
• If you’re an over achiever like me: Pack preferred lube, cleaning supplies, and cozy aftercare clothes - and thank me later!
  
• Dress in layers or change at the venue into something sexy.
  
• Bring a friend for support.
  
• Eat before and bring snacks/water.
  
• If doing pick-up play, prepare a written list of:
  
  • Wants/desires
    
  • Medical conditions
    
  • Experience level 
    
  • Your age
  • Soft/hard limits
    
  • Aftercare needs
    
  • Whether you're on substances (e.g., Viagra, alcohol)
    
  • Be honest and transparent