Blog #29— Is It True, Sessions Get Better Over Time?

Trust within D/s dynamics & it’s impact.

There’s a big difference between a first session and a second session.

A first session is often filled with a mix of emotions: adrenaline, excitement, curiosity, and mystery. You might ask yourself, “What will it be like?” “Will she like me?” “Will I finally get to live out that fantasy?”

Along with excitement, a first session can also bring anxiety, fear, shame, or hesitation. People wonder,
“What if this is a scam?”
“What if we don’t get along?”
“What if I’m being catfished?”
“What if someone finds out?”
“What if I can’t find parking?”
“What if I fall in love?”

As a Dominatrix, I’ve answered all of these questions and comforted many subs with valid concerns.

Unfortunately, there are scammers, catfishes, liars, and unprofessional Dommes. I’ve had subs share past experiences like being scammed, receiving unsafe nipple torture, not getting aftercare, or having a Domme not show up at all.

So a first session carries excitement, novelty, erotic anticipation, and the sense of taking a big risk for a big reward—while also coming with logistical stress, worry, mistrust, and insecurity.

Do Sessions Really Get Better Over Time?

In my opinion, absolutely—10000% yes.
Here’s why: BDSM and true submission require trust, and trust must be built over time.

Trust starts online. When someone finds my ad and visits my website, they see my credentials, client reviews, and verified social media that confirm I’m the real deal—not a scammer or a catfish.

Trust builds further through a prompt email reply, a timely phone call, clear instructions, and an easy-to-understand location. I know what it’s like on the client’s end, and I know how important it is to have questions answered before the date. That’s why I require pre-session phone calls for all first-time sessions.

Why Second Sessions Are Sweeter

A first session can be stressful and nerve-wracking, which makes relaxing, dropping into headspace, and fully submitting more difficult. Without deep trust yet, subs may feel guarded, paranoid, or protective. And that’s valid. I actually think subs should be protective of their mind, body, and spirit when playing with someone new.

Submission is a gift, and trust must be earned.

There are many untrained Dommes who don’t know what they’re doing. Our industry has little formal training and no quality control—and while I don’t think that should change, it does mean clients need to vet carefully and book Dommes who are qualified in the specific kinks they want. For example, not every Domme is trained in rope bondage, sounding, e-stim, or breathplay. In BDSM, you usually get what you pay for. A cheaper session often means less experience and less professionalism.

During a second session, things tend to improve dramatically:

You know the Domme is legitimate, attractive, and professional.
You know where the dungeon is and how the session logistics work.
You’ve refined your pre-session rituals— for example: when to clean your holes, when to refrain from cumming, how to plan your travel time, and what aftercare you need.

There’s also the difference between fantasy and reality. The kinks you list on an application may feel very different in real life. Maybe you dreamed of forced feminization but found it unfun in practice. Maybe you didn’t realize face slapping was a hard limit until it happened. This is why safewords are mandatory & a non-negotiable for ME.

I’ve worked with hundreds of submissives, and while I’m very good at reading nonverbal communication, I’m not a mind reader. Scenes can take days, weeks, or months to emotionally process.

If you leave a first session feeling disappointed, confused, overwhelmed, hurt, or unsure of the chemistry—I encourage you to tell your Domme. These conversations are extremely important.

In my practice, subs write “post-scene reflections” after every session. They tell me what they liked, and more importantly, what they didn’t like. I cherish this feedback. I still ask for it from subs I’ve played with for years. It helps our D/s dynamic grow over not just a first or second session - but for many years to come.

If you’re a submissive who moves from Domme to Domme—whether you’re searching for the right match or simply enjoy novelty—I genuinely hope your needs are being met. D/s, power exchange, and kinky sex are deeply intimate, but not everyone seeks that level of closeness. Some people don’t need deep trust to fulfill their BDSM needs, and that’s perfectly valid.

That said, committing yourself to a Domme is intimate—and often scary. Submissives who exit D/s dynamics quickly may be avoiding that intimacy. Does the idea of a Domme truly knowing you—your desires, fears, and vulnerabilities—feel overwhelming? If so, you’re not alone. The most rewarding things in life rarely come easily.

There is immense value in building a long-term dynamic with a Domme. A committed D/s relationship can help you:

Integrate pleasure more intentionally into your life
Connect with your sacred sexual energy
Feel grounded in your body and emotionally supported
Quiet your busy mind - and have a much need brain break or brain reset
Experience challenge, growth, and intensity during scenes
Access emotional catharsis or emotional breakthroughs
Learn your boundaries and communicate them effectively
Confront sexual fear and shame directly—and take control & move beyond them

These are only a few examples. The benefits of a devoted D/s dynamic are too numerous to list, but they’re worth considering if you’re thinking about deeper commitment.

Why Second Sessions Are Better for Me as the Domme

Many of the reasons are similar. I’m very selective with my subs—I choose quality over quantity. If a sub is disrespectful, crosses boundaries, or is unsafe, there will not be a second session.

But when a sub returns for a second session, I get to relax more too. I trust they are who they say they are. I trust they respect my time, boundaries, and protocols. I now have a deeper sense of their likes, dislikes, triggers, and desires.

I tailor scenes intensely to each submissive. I love novelty, pushing edges, and guiding subs through emotional breakthroughs. I am an intense Domme - and subs are drawn to me because of that. I am skilled enough to do hardcore scenes, but hardcore scenes need immense of trust.

In first sessions, I’m primarily “calibrating” a new sub—observing how they respond to sensations, verbal cues, pain levels, flexibility, emotional capacity, and their orientation toward submission. Two people can write similar things on an application but show up very differently in reality.

For example, many people who list anal fisting as a desire cannot actually get fisted in a first time session. It requires training and physical readiness, not just porn-inspired fantasy. I always ask, “What’s the biggest insertable you’ve taken?” on the phone and then physically assess what’s realistic. People are usually tense during a first session, which affects what’s possible.

It usually takes about three sessions for me to feel fully calibrated to a sub. Everyone needs different things to enter or exit headspace, different types of aftercare, different rhythms, and different balances of novelty versus familiarity. I like taking my time to get to know my subs in order to get inside their brains. I then use that information against them for pleasure, pain, discipline while in-scene. Not everyone has the means to see a Domme with repeated frequency, but if you can - nothing compares to the deeply life changing effects a healthy D/s dynamic can have on your life.

Final Thoughts

Sometimes you walk into a first session with a new Domme and instantly know the Domme isn’t right for you—whether it’s looks, professionalism, chemistry, or safety.

But if you have mixed emotions, I urge you to communicate them. See how the Domme receives feedback. Do you feel heard? Can you both problem-solve what went wrong? If so, consider giving it another try. A real, long-term D/s dynamic can deeply impact your life.

Devoting yourself to a Dominatrix who can meet your desires can improve mood, sleep, relationships, self-esteem, and more. Clients often tell me that session space helped them confront fears, let go of shame, and communicate better with people in their lives.

Submission to a trustworthy Dominant should leave you feeling empowered—never diminished.

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