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Blog #2 — Playing with Gender

Deep dive into what it means (to me) to be a femme daddy. How I gender-play with respect to the trans community & how I gender-play with my diverse clientele.

    My pronouns are she / they / daddy. My gender feels very expansive, and I feel deeply connected to feminine and masculine energies at the same time. I feel very comfortable in my gender, and I don’t shy away from the taboos around gender-play in my BDSM practice.

    I love being a femme daddy. To me, being a femme daddy means I’m just as sexy and powerful in a latex skirt as I am in a leather suit. To me, being a femme daddy means I’m a pervert. I love to (consensually) prey on innocent girls, turn men into my girls, and corrupt my subs into doing whatever I say. To me, being a femme daddy means I’m deeply connected to my strap-on cock, the curve of my waist, the force of my thighs, the strength in my hands, and the softness of my skin.

    We live in a society contaminated with gender roles. Masculinity is so strictly controlled, violently maintained, and heavily scrutinized. The maintanance of toxic masculinity is not fair to anyone, and it negatively impacts everyone- particularly Black transwomen. In my BDSM practice, I generate a safe space for my clients (of all genders) to explore their inner most desires around gender-play if they so desire.

    The beautiful thing about gender-play is that it exists on a spectrum. For some people wearing a pink thong and make-up is humiliating, while for others it can be gender-affirming; it is a mode to provoke a desired feeling.  It depends on how you (the client) want to feel, and sometimes the avenue to reach that feeling may not make logical sense. That is the beauty of PLAY in gender-play. It can be a very silly, lighthearted, perverted, sexy, and fun way to have sex outside of the gender binary. 

    Often times gender-play is not even about the GENDER, but the archetype or headspace someone yearns to be developed in. For example, someone wanting to role play as my slutty blow-up sex doll doesn’t mean they are or have to be transgender (more love to you if you are <3) but wanting to feel pretty, used, & whored out can be fun, sexy, and liberating for everyone. Playing with gender doesn’t mean you’re transgender and/or non-binary. Forced femme specifically, can be sexy and enjoyable for ALL genders. Femme is vast, deep, pulsating, and fertile. There is always room to be MORE femme, & what an honor it is to be femme.

    On a very serious note, it’s important to actively reflect on our own gender-play desires, where they stem from, and how we may be consciously/unconsciously contributing to perpetuate harm (e.g., violence against trans women, fetishization, discrimination, street harassment). Transfemmes and more specifically Black transwomen, face systemic & interpersonal transphobia that is directly linked to their erroneous murder & violence. Kink and BDSM do not exist in a vacuum. A cis-man being force femme’d into wearing a dress does not make him trans- that is role-play, fake, make believe. Transwomen are women, always. They are not a fetish or a kink; they are real people who deserve safety, respect and love. It is important to highlight the privilege it is to gender-play without experiencing the violences actual trans people face for simply existing.

    Playing with gender can also be VERY fun if you are transgender and/or non-binary (NB). Especially as someone who is proudly queer & gender fluid- I find trans clients to be so special and fun to play with. It’s important to me, to provide gender-affirming services that affirm my clients’ gender and allow them to explore gender if they so desire. The terms I use to refer to their body parts, where I touch/don’t touch, & the types of play we do all contribute to trans inclusive services. For example, a trans masculine/NB client could find SPH or bondage that minimizes the size of their chest to be gender affirming. Another example is doing an impregnation roleplay with a transfemme/NB client. I do not judge- I hold space for the complex desires/emotions that come along with their sexual fantasies and I help bring those fantasies to life.

     If you are a submissive questioning your gender and/or interested in gender-play (e.g., gender role play, gender-affirmative kink, non-binary role plays) you can book a session with me, sext me on SextPanther, or request customs on AVN.

© Mistrix Sunmi 2023